This is a personal story from Gary:

“You have arrived at your destination”. No I haven’t, I’m supposed to be in the middle of nowhere. I’m in a village and I’m already late.

I put in another postcode. This time, the one listed on the website.

20 minutes later… “You have arrived at your destination”. No I haven’t. I’m in the middle of nowhere. But not the right middle of nowhere. Now there’s no bleedin’ phone reception and I’m friggin’ lost.

I want to turn back. I don’t want to go to the Good Souls third gathering.

I’ve been looking forward to it for months. I’ve put so much energy into arranging it. I’ve been excited about helping to facilitate it. I’ve been looking forward to staying in the new venue with yummy veggie food for tea. New and old friends are there waiting. But I want to turn back.

The week before had been an extremely difficult week for me. An unusual one. A week of conflict. Four conflict situations. With my eldest son, with a best mate, with my wife, with someone who I work with and who I’ve tried for months to help.

I was emotionally drained because of the back to back conflict over the last five days. And now I was totally fucked off with the Sat Nav and stressed out that I was late and others were waiting for me. I felt totally raw.

I imagined being asked “How are you?” when I arrived at the venue. “Had a good week mate?” I imagined myself bursting into tears. I wanted to turn back and go home. (Actually, my sister was looking after one son at my house and my wife was away with our other son, so for a moment I actually considered booking myself into a hotel to be alone and sacking Good Souls off).

I wondered… Why am I feeling like this? I’ve been to the Good Souls #1 and #2 and I didn’t feel any apprehension.